Dear Black Girl, You Deserve Respect

Dear Black Girl,

I don't know who needs to hear this, but I hope you listen. Black women constantly face unspoken pressure just to exist, and we have to fight to feel respected, heard, and appreciated. But you shouldn't have to fight. Respect is a battle that some of us never win, so we have to be there for each other to lift up each other's voices, bodies, and accomplishments. Remember: you and your sisters deserve respect, and there will be people who will refuse to give you what you deserve, but that doesn't mean you're any less worthy.

Respect is something that stems from who you are as a person, your morals, beliefs, and actions. It's not measured by achievement, effort, or perfection, but what is in your heart and what kind of person you are striving to be. And we don't need to prove our worth to anyone, and our worthiness doesn't depend on whiteness.

The Burden of Being ‘Strong’

Black women so often fall under the stereotype that we are “strong”. We are strong, brave, and intelligent women, but we are also human, and showing vulnerability can make you feel weak. We suppress our emotions to avoid showing weakness, but the truth is that emotional intelligence is a superpower that many haven't mastered. However, our society fears strong and secure Black women, so they will try to demean us. There’s nothing scarier than a strong Black woman.

In this world, it is very hard to choose our battles. We are shoved into a pattern of forced resilience, not a life where we can choose where we give our strength. But we can change this; we can choose our battles and choose what we want to do with our lives without feeling outside judgment. It's not weak to prioritize yourself; it's not selfish to put yourself first sometimes.

Emotional suppression has been normalized, especially in the Black community. However, suppressing your emotions to seem “strong” is unhealthy. According to M1 Psychology, studies have shown that ignoring your emotions will only make them stronger. Additionally, emotional suppression increases anxiety and stress levels, potentially causing burnout. This can even lead to more intense mental illness. (Psychology Today)

We shouldn’t be afraid to be vulnerable because we deserve to be taken seriously based on our experience, not because we appear “too weak” or “emotional." And we definitely shouldn’t have to hurt ourselves to prove ourselves to others.

Respect in Everyday Spaces

So how should others treat you? What does respect look like? Respect is actively valuing and acknowledging others' worth, feelings, and boundaries. Practice demonstrating respect through active listening, open communication, kindness, support, and overall attention. You don’t have to even like the person, but you would want the same respect. A lot of people don’t understand what respect looks like, so we have to teach others how they should treat others.

How to Handle Disrespect

Disrespect comes in many different forms, for example, in microaggressions, tone, manipulation, etc. Focus on people who tend to disregard your feelings, dismiss your ideas, fail to give their full attention, break promises, etc. Those are just a few examples of disrespect. Learn to trust your discomfort. The majority of the time, if you feel disrespected or not treated in a way that makes you feel heard and understood, step away from the situation. Step away from those who try to bring you down because, girl, you deserve respect.

Reclaiming Your Worth

Your self-worth is found from within, not from anyone but yourself. It’s not rude or selfish to prioritize and care for yourself. You need to learn how to respect yourself before you expect respect from others. So let's start today; treat your mind and body well, prioritize your values, set any needed boundaries, and always show up for yourself.

So my dear Black girl, you are enough as you are, and you deserve respect, you deserve to feel heard, you deserve to feel loved, and I see you.

With forever-growing love,

Glowing & Growing