“Softness doesn’t make you weak”

Overview: A personal reflection on what softness looks like for a Black woman and how I am unlearning the hustle-24/7 mindset and creating peace in small ways.

I am constantly forced to maintain an image of a perfect, wise, put-together Black woman. I am continually pushing myself to unreasonably high standards, but I feel that if I don’t meet exceptional heights, then I am not a strong black woman. I work at school, around the home, etc., daily, and I am sure many of you can relate. But I am starting to tell myself, it is not a bad thing to take a break, it’s not a punishment to put yourself first. We black women work so hard, but it is more of a reason why we deserve a breather to collect ourselves. If we are burnt out and exhausted, it will be impossible to reach our highest potential. Many of my peers have multiple page-long resumes, which is fantastic. Please understand me. I don't want to ignore our accomplishments, which are just as important as essential to care for yourself. Caring for yourself is not weakness. It is a strength because it shows self-discipline.

I have been struggling with self-esteem and comparing myself with others who look like me. Partially, it is because I am attending an HBCU filled with thousands of extraordinary black women. I often have to remind myself, “Oh wait, I am one of those girls too.” However, the constant feeling like the weak black girl shakes me and slows me down. I am very quiet due to growing up with a visible disability; I wanted to avoid attention brought onto me, so the “loud black girl trope” terrified me. No matter who you are, you should never compare yourself to stereotypes, but I know it is easier said than done.

Please write your thoughts, experiences, and tips for other black girls dealing with balancing “being soft”. Let’s start a conversation!