The Weight We Carry: Society’s Pressures on Black Women
From the moment we enter a room, all eyes are on us. It feels as though everyone is judging us on how our hair is styled, how much skin we are showing, and even what we sound like when we talk. We have to face constant criticism and pressure to fulfill impossible standards. These pressures aren’t just random—they’re rooted in history, stereotypes, and expectations that have been passed down for generations.
The Many Faces of Societal Pressure
Are you a “Strong Black Woman”?
The “strong black women” blueprint has become the expectation of how black women should live. “Strong black women” must hide their emotions to avoid appearing weak, take responsibility for other people’s problems, and care for them as if they were their own. These expectations stem from slavery; enslaved black women were forced into labor while carrying physical and emotional burdens, while also needing to keep their families together. Following the emancipation, in the Jim Crow era, we faced both racism and sexist stereotypes. Early black feminists reclaimed these stereotypes by promoting media that represents women as strong, but over time the narrative has become too strong to break out of. True strength isn’t about endless endurance. It’s about having the freedom to rest, to feel, and to be human.
Are you pretty enough?
European beauty standards have affected how we, as black women, see ourselves. We have been told — directly and indirectly — that to be beautiful, we have to be as close to white as possible. Whether it’s hair discrimination, colorism, or body shaming towards black women, these stereotypes have destroyed the way that we see ourselves. We have to take these negative stereotypes and pressures and reclaim our beauty and confidence.
The beauty industry has changed the way we see ourselves. We are forced to look at “the perfect woman,” which can make us feel inferior within our community. These beauty standards are built from Eurocentric ideals. Prioritizing light skin, straight hair, thinness, etc., reinforces racial stereotypes. These standards pressure black women to change themselves in harmful ways, like skin lighteners or chemical straighteners, which can lead to many health consequences.
With the growth of social media, every day we are influenced by stereotypes that are reinforced through views and likes. The beauty industry has taken advantage of our desire to feel beautiful within our society’s twisted expectations. Don’t let the media affect how you see yourself because you are gorgeous. You are enough, you are special, and you are loved.
Are you “too” emotional?
The “emotional black women” stereotype is one of the most used and most harmful stereotypes. We are policed for expressing our emotions and called “dramatic” or “sensitive”. We are already seen as “aggressive” and “angry”, so we are policed for simply expressing our opinions. We have to be “likable” and “non-threatening” by hiding our emotions to be accepted in spaces that already judge us for our appearance.
I, for one, am emotional. I will cry when I’m overwhelmed, show attitude when I’m angry, and speak up when someone says something inappropriate. Then I am seen as “dramatic” or “too loud.” Why is it such a terrible thing to be expressive? Black women are forced to hide their true selves because society shames them for being passionate, emotional, and eloquent. No matter what, we are unfairly judged for just being authentically ourselves.
Are you sucessful?
I am about to attend Spelman College, where I will be surrounded by black women who have achieved the unbelievable. We all have felt the need to succeed in impossible ways because we, as black women, are always underestimated. We carry a pressure to overachieve — not only for our own success, but to prove what we’re capable of as a community. We have to fight for respect. Black women struggle with finding their voices in rooms where they are not respected or seen as inferior. Despite our qualifications and achievements, we are overlooked because of the color of our skin.
Black women deal with microaggressions that often stem from unconscious biases. In professional and educational settings, people assume that black women are less intelligent, are treated as representatives of the whole race, or are prone to being assigned more labor because it is easier to take advantage of our want to overachieve and break down barriers. We can make our own rules and expectations. Don’t forget to listen to your body and what it needs.
Is your family proud?
Many Black families pass down the expectation of resilience due to generations of survival against systemic oppression. We are expected to cope with every challenge we face, even when it’s unhealthy for our mental health. This can cause burnout, suppressed emotions, loneliness, and social isolation.
Many families still hold traditional family values, which often place high importance on marriage and children over personal fulfillment. Young women are still told that starting a family is how you find success, but success looks different for everyone. These pressures to be a “traditional woman” can lead young black girls into unhealthy relationships, feeling unfulfilled or even undeserving of finding happiness.
Black women also face generational encouragement to work, succeed, and break down all barriers set for them. We are pressured to prove that we belong and that we are “worthy,” and the only way we can express our success is through high-achieving academics and careers. If what you are doing makes you fulfilled and happy, and you have time to take care of yourself, you are doing amazing. But more often than not, black girls are pressured too hard into becoming something that they don’t want to be. A part of life is failing and resilience, but we don't allow any malfunctions that will stop us from growing. Many black women become workaholics, perfectionists, and forget that it’s okay not to be perfect. And as a black girl talking to you right now, you don't have to be perfect, you have to give it your all, and that is enough for me.
How do you reclaim your power?
1. Find mental support and mentors who understand the lived experience and can help you redefine your expectations of yourself.
2. Redefine strength into what makes you feel empowered, like rest, softness, self-awareness—not just endurance.
3. Surround yourself with positive narratives like uplifting stories, content creators, and leaders who reflect the diversity, richness, and excellence of Black womanhood.
Conclusion
Society does not define your worth; you do, and think to yourself, “Who would I be if I didn’t have to change to fit society's standards constantly?” We can change these expectations, we can change the conversations, and we can change how we allow society to control us.
