Dear Black Girls: Your Body Was Never the Problem

Part One: I Don’t Need Your Opinion.

Currently, I am sitting at the bed at my Grandmother’s house in Chicago, thinking about my aunts telling me, “You need more meat on your bones.” Or “Why are you so skinny?” The truth is that’s my body! Why do we shame our family when we know that the world already constantly shames us? I know it's ingrained in our culture, and that’s why we need to change the way we communicate with young people in our families.

Sometimes I dread seeing family. Oh, come on! Don’t look at me like that. My first experiences of body shaming were with my family. Commenting on your appearance, weight, hair, etc. is not worth it; it always holds negative implications. Try this instead: “You look beautiful today!”

*What I usually hear is… “You look beautiful today, we gotta do something with this hair.” As they are touching my hair without permission."*

Part Two: Internalized Racism - It is Tearing Our Families Apart

Internalized racism is when people of color start to internalize racist messages instead of fighting against them and then begin to mimic and uphold those ideas. Internalized racism formed at the time of our ancestors in colonialism, slavery, and systemic oppression. Our ancestors were taught that to survive, you need to assimilate, which meant being “less black”. This trauma has been carried down through generations, and these “survival instincts” are being pushed onto the youth. They might have been important in the past, but they should not dictate our lives in the modern era.

Part Three: The Damage

  • Low self-esteem

  • Self-hate

  • Struggles with identity, belonging, and self-expression

  • Emotional disconnect

  • Self-consciousness

  • Distant family relationships

    and much more… (feel free to comment on some)

All of these things have contributed to my issues of self-esteem, and I don’t want this to happen to anyone else.

Part Four: Breaking this Damaging Cycle

  1. Call it out: Don’t let your family put you down. Speak kindly and truthfully. I know it can feel like they don’t listen or that you can’t speak up because of the family hierarchy, but what you say will enter their minds, and they will have to think about what you are feeling. You are beautiful.

  2. Celebrate Our Blackness: Embrace our bodies, skin, and culture with confidence. Representation starts within our home.

  3. It’s okay to be curious: It is essential to explore your identity because, in the end, you are just a young person finding yourself.

  4. Start a conversation: Bring this pattern to others’ attention to help stop the bullying in our families.

Start or continue your healing here!

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The Obsession with Hair Length: Ladies the Length of Your Curls Does Not Define You

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The Comparison Culture Epidemic: We Need This to Stop