Unpacking Popularity: What It Means, Where It’s From and Why It’s Overrated
Getting to the Root: The Psychology of Popularity
Humans are a social species, and initially, creating communities was essential for survival. Additionally, feeling socially isolated triggers the part of the brain that responds to physical pain. During adolescence, we experience a combination of the neurochemicals oxytocin and dopamine, which increases our need for attention and social interaction. Feeling the need or desire to be popular is a common experience that many of us share. However, sometimes the need to be popular can cause more pain than good. It can potentially lead to loneliness and isolation, identity crises, social anxiety, addiction to praise, and more psychological effects. We need to change the way society favors popularity, and as the future generation, we can shift the idea of popularity into a more positive one. We all want attention; we all want to feel as though we belong to some extent. So, look around you, and instead of worrying about how you look to your friends, think about those who don’t have any friends. Build a community where no one has to feel the pain of social alienation.
Popularity is Representation
For many Black women, popularity is a more personal matter. Historically, we have been excluded from any opportunities where we could pursue success. Our history of constant abuse, exclusion, and misrepresentation has led to black women forming unhealthy relationships with popularity. When we choose to take up space, use our voices, and create communities, we are often shamed, called “loud,” “bossy,” and so on. We must balance the need to be seen with the fear of being humiliated. I wish I had an easy solution, but we can’t control what people think of us. What we can do is remind ourselves that we are allowed to take space, speak our minds, and pursue whatever we dream.
Media Shapes our Expectations
Whether watching a movie, scrolling through TikTok, or listening to new music, we are fed the formula to become “the perfect girl”. Popularity is a human want, and with social media, we have made it much easier to achieve that, but there is still something that isn’t right. If everyone is achieving virality, then we can no longer have levels of accomplishments or pride and become desensitized to our own growth. Let me tell you this: you are not perfect, and you don't need to be perfect. Turn off your phone, shut down your computer, unplug your television, and find people who celebrate you instead of wishing you were someone else. You are one of a kind. Be true to yourself because you are here for a reason.
Social Ranking
One thing that I personally struggle with mentally is the fact that social media has become a social currency. Having more likes makes you cooler, looking pretty in a 10-second video makes people think you are a model, and this way of living will screw with our psyche. Social media is a digital world where other people are judging you. People give you likes, follows, comments; it’s a good way to connect with your peers, but a sick way to rate and judge people, especially young girls and women like us. Our modern society has become a social ranking system in which we are fighting for a non-permanent spotlight. It might feel that it’s more important how people see you online, but these viewers don’t actually know you; they have no authority over you. Don’t focus on people who have no authority over you.
Create Your Own Space
Build your own personal circle, whether with your classmates, online communities, family, etc. There are people in the world who will accept you whole. Being popular is a want, but we can train ourselves so we create values that further align with who we are, not for anyone else. Embrace every part of yourself without feeling the need to conform to the popular standard, because let's be honest, those standards are going to change tomorrow anyway.
Conclusion
Popularity is a title that people give you, not who you are. As black women, the pressure to be “perfect” is heavy, and unfortunately, we do have to conform to society to an extent. However, you must hold onto your heart and stay true to yourself, letting yourself shine at every opportunity.
Beating popularity means stepping into your power. Find what makes you feel whole. Ensure that you are expressing yourself in a way that aligns with how you want to be perceived.
Instead of striving to be popular, seek to find your inner glow. That glow that comes from confidence and self-love. That’s something that no person, social media post, or trend can ever take from you.
