Girl, You Don’t Have to Worry About Fitting in When You’re Custom-Made
Introduction
Attending college in the fall is starting to dawn on me. It’s probably dawning on many people. It’s a terrifying feeling knowing that I will be moving away from home, meeting new people, taking more challenging classes, etc. But the biggest fear that I have been coping with is that I feel like I am going to stick out like a sore thumb. Either academically, socially, or even physically, I have this underlying fear that I’m “too different”. I’m sure lots of you have had or are having impostor syndrome like me, but I’m here to remind you (and me) that you are special, you are one of a kind, and your path was made only for you. So when you look next to you at your classmate who has already finished the test after 15 minutes, or got a 100% on their paper when you got a disappointing grade, you are enough. This is your path, your story, and everyone is going at their own pace. Remember that everyone has their path in this world, and you can’t control anybody but yourself. So instead of obsessing over someone who doesn't pay you any mind, focus on yourself because you are the only one in charge of yourself.
Personal Reflection
In the Spring, I attended an event for accepted students at Spelman College. So many beautiful black women surrounded me. I met some valedictorians, students with 4.0 and higher GPAs, young women who looked like they could be models, and I thought to myself, “Am I enough?”
I ended up having a panic attack that afternoon. I felt so isolated, so different, too different. Two current Spelman students saw me and nurtured me. We sat together, eating Sour Patch Kids and gossiping about the school. That was the only thing I enjoyed about that day: they took me for who I was. I didn’t have to worry about how I looked or acted. They liked me for me.
We Are All Doing the Most
As black women, we always have something to prove. We always need to be the best and fight for our seat at the table, but that gets tiring. We often don’t have the luxury to be vulnerable. So why do we continue to put our guard up even around women who look like us? Because it’s a default. But we can break the default. You are an exceptional, unique, and one-of-a-kind individual who deserves to be heard and celebrated for being you. When you feel alone in that room, remember you are special, unique, and no one compares to you.
Custom-Made
I was told the exact line, “You don’t have to worry about fitting in when you’re custom-made.” I was in the process of ranting about how I felt like I wasn’t good enough because I was watching all these people around me succeeding in ways I never thought were possible. If you are one of those girls who have broken down barriers or done extraordinary things, you are amazing; you have pushed down those boundaries and found your purpose. But I, and others, haven’t gotten there yet because we are all on different paths. Your path is yours, and even when you feel like everyone around you is “better than you”, don’t talk down to yourself. You’re too amazing to be treated any less than a star.
Building Community and Sisterhood
It may seem like the only way to be successful is to push others out of the way. But that is not true. We are all trying to accomplish greatness (whatever that may look like to us). You don’t always have to keep your guard up, because we need each other. Black sisterhood is a gift. Imagine what would happen if we stopped competing with one another and started uplifting each other. Compliment that girl’s hair. Tell your friend you loved her presentation. We can all be winners if we keep our community alive and strong by celebrating our differences and triumphs.
We Never Stop Growing
Remember, we are constantly evolving, and you don’t have to force yourself to stay in one lane if you want to explore more about your life. This is your life, embrace your differences, and grow in ways you never knew you could. Sometimes when you push yourself to fit in, you hide the parts of yourself that make you the most special. Growing doesn’t come from hiding your truth; it comes from being unapologetically yourself. And it won't be easy; you'll cry, fail, learn, and get back up. Just show up as your authentic self and show your power. Don’t forget, you are meant to be here.
Affirmations
I am here for a reason.
I am not behind; I am on my own personal timeline.
I don't need to change to fit in; I will celebrate my uniqueness.
Conclusion
So as we continue to grow, it's okay to feel scared and overwhelmed. But you belong, you are here for a reason. You don’t have to change yourself to fit into the mold; you make the mold. You are custom-made.
